So today is our last day at Esplanade as members.  Wow.  So many feelings.  So many thoughts.  The movers will be here any moment and I told them, as Jackson Browne told the roadies about his piano, to take my computer last.  As excited as we were over 7 years ago to start our journey, we are now excited to continue it.  If Astor Creek is half as great as Esplanade has been for us, Pat and I will be very happy.  More for family reasons than anything other, we are moving on. 

We are blessed to have this life, and these choices, and to have made such amazing friends.  A house can be temporary, but good friendships are forever.  We take so much with us. 

With much gratitude we are moving on.

I was speaking with a friend one day and he asked me if I ever bought merchandise from Temu.  I told him I never heard of it, so he explained it was a Chinese website with extremely inexpensive items.  He said he got some great values for things he uses.  I looked it up and was shocked at some of the prices.  Of course, I knew that there is nothing in this world for anything approaching free.  Whoever is selling it to you must make a profit.  I decide it must be junk, so I did not buy anything until I saw a drone for sale, for $10.  It had a remote, a camera, and a rechargeable battery.  I figured for $10 I was more curious than anything on what they would send so I ordered it.  The risk not being too great, I saw this as an experiment. 

Two weeks later I got an email that my drone was delivered.  I eagerly went outside on my porch to get my package.  It wasn’t there.  Jumping to conclusions I figured someone stole my very “valuable” package.  I went back and read the email and realized that it was delivered by the USPS.  Could it be in my mailbox?  What package containing a drone would fit in my small mailbox.  Impossible!  But I checked anyway and there was an extremely small package sitting amongst my letters.  My $10 drone had arrived!  After opening the package, being amazed at the size of the drone, and the controller, and having trouble reading the directions, which were only in Chinese, I went to work to figure it out.  I was EXCITED.  I got it together, and lo and behold, it worked.  It took off and went up in the air, and reacted to the controller.  It was just 5 inches long, and when the propellers ran it sounded like a bee.  It had huge limitations, however, only able to go 40 feet in the air, and not too far way.  But it worked and it was fun.  I was hooked!

With my birthday approaching I decided to get myself a gift.  After careful discussions with my oldest son, Jon, my tech guru, I decided to buy the FJI Mini 4 Pro.  A good quality drone for beginners.  It has a range of 12 miles, and can go hundreds of meters in the air.  I couldn’t wait to get it so I ordered it from Best Buy and went to pick it up.  I must admit I haven’t been this excited about much of anything in very, very long time.  I brought the puppy home, went online and watched some beginner videos, and of course waited for Jon to come over to fly it.  He knows modern technology very well.  And he made me feel comfortable.  Of course, the first time I flew it out of my sight, maybe 100 yards in the air, and a half mile away, I feared it was gone for good.  Jon said to just hit the “return to start” button and it will return.  I did and it did.  It landed at my feet, in the exact position it started from, and I mean the EXACT POSITION TO THE INCH. 

I could go on and on about the amazing features built into the electronics of the drone.  (they call it an aircraft) but I won’t.  I am attaching the first real video I made.  I am so excited for the future, learning how to use it.  This will be a long learning experience, with great potential.  Also, I realize that you CAN teach an old dog new tricks and that excites me more than anything.  WHAT’S NEXT?

I recently started reading a book called The Anxious Generation, by Jonathan Haidt.  It’s an intelligently written book about the number one priority in our lives (or should be), our children.  After reading this book and being a grandfather of young childrenI felt driven to communicate this.  It is more than just opinion, however, if you believe in science.  But of course everyone has a right to make their decisions. 

Based on scientific studies, the fact is since 2012 depression and anxiety have been affecting children and young people far greater than any time in the past.  Their unhappiness is up, suicide rates are up, and the amount of major depression reported since 2012 is up 150% for both boys and girls.    This book ties this alarming statistic to the advent of the Smartphone, and children’s access to the internet and social media.   We’ve all been hearing for quite a while now that our children and teens are being adversely affected by social media.  That seems to be the “hook” to get people addicted to their smartphones.  Smartphones have certainly become an extension of our bodies, in a way that we could never have imagined just 10 or 15 years ago.  As adults we get to decide if we want to risk addiction to alcohol, tobacco, drugs, food, or smartphones.  But what about our children?  During their most important growth years how are they getting affected by the mostly uncontrolled use of smartphones?  Child psychologists have been telling us for years that the use of smartphones by young teens are severely hurting them.  In the book I am reading by Jonathan Haidt he says too large a percentage of teens are substituting digital relationships for actual, synchronous relationships with people in real time.  That along with the lack of what he calls unsupervised and uncontrolled play time for younger children, it is making them unprepared for adulthood, and very anxious.  I can relate to the concept of overprotectiveness that Haidt speaks of.   I can see the truth of this in how I grew up and how my children grew up. 

Since the 1990’s parents have unjustly feared children being unsupervised for any length of time.  The baby boomer generation thru the millennials (born 1980’s thru 1990’s) spent a lot of time outside playing without parental or adult supervision.  We walked far distances to school, went to playgrounds a distance from our houses and for the most part nothing negative ever became of it.  We learned when we got hurt or bothered by others how to deal with it.  Life was real for my generation.  For the last few decades we have worried so much about our children’s safety to the point that perhaps they are not getting prepared for their social future.  This plus less interaction in real time with others is not good for their psychosocial development.  So why are we not acting, individually and as a society to do something about this?  We cannot say we are not being warned.

A long time ago, in the years leading up to the 1970’s, in the age before seat belts and child car seats, thousands of children would die every year in car accidents.  Can you imagine what would happen to a small body, without being restrained, during a car crash.  It took decades to do something about it.  Statistically it was apparent that restraints were necessary for auto passengers but nothing was done until the 1970’s and beyond.  I fear that we are in that same place now, where children are being hurt by cultural acceptances, and we are paralyzed to act on it.  In the 1940’s and 50’s everyone smoked cigarettes.  During this time it was inconceivable to consider banning them or at least warning against their use.  It took lawsuits to change things, instead of common sense. 

Now everyone has a smartphone, and it is a huge part of our lives, so we are acting blind to their affects.  I hope that their use and abuse by our children will be controlled, first by their parents, but eventually by our society.  We need to wake up.  We are so afraid to hurt our children’s feelings.  According to Jonathan Haidt, in his book, the developmental timeframes would be better served if children did not get cell phones until between ages 12 and 14.  That phone should not have internet access.  The use of the wide-open internet by children should be monitored by their parents.  Isn’t that just logical?  By high school healthy development hopefully has occurred and a smartphone can be appropriate.  I know people will say that this can stigmatize a child whose friends all have smartphones.  We probably need to rethink our priorities on this decision. 

I know I am simplifying this for the sake of a quick message, so I wholeheartedly recommend this book for parents, grandparents, and any caregiver of children.  And in this case of children and smartphones let us all rethink our decisions. 

Eleven years ago, I joined a 14-month program to learn about addiction and to actually become an addiction counselor.  During those wonderful months I achieved that, plus so much more. Beside having an understanding of the disease of addiction, I learned about consciousness, my mind, and how to find happiness.  This program changed my life and my perspective on the world.  So much of what I learned was from my main instructor, Pedro Pereira.  The following words are more poignant to me than anyone who knows me could imagine and they are from Pedro.

 I am blessed to share it with you.

Spiritual Consciousness

Spiritual consciousness is enlightenment.  Though achieving full enlightenment is reserved for those who wholly devote their lives to absolute union with the spirit, we too can taste this sweet nectar.

Things of the spirit challenge a mind conditioned by the material realm. It takes devotion, dedication and sacrifice to establish spiritual consciousness.

Once our practice begins, so do the rewards. These come in the form of detachment from things and outcomes. Slowly, very slowly, we begin to place more importance on living the present day. We grow our gratitude for the little gifts and for the people with whom we share them with. 

The rewards of the material realm are infrequent and can’t fulfill our insatiable desire for material well-being.  Shortly after experiencing a fleeting moment of joy; after we get the job, the promotion, the car, the partner or the house, we are filled with desire for the next fix. It takes tireless effort to experience brief moments of happiness and we never feel fully satisfied. 

We begin to experience spiritual wealth the moment we express sincere desire to live devoted to the wellbeing of ourselves and of others. The rewards are subtle but constant.  These come in the form of serenity, calmness, composure, peacefulness or self-love.

Since spiritual practice does not provide instant gratification, we quit shortly after the initial taste of its sweetness.  We are easily distracted by the quick fixes of the material realm. 

We are quick to seek help from God when in a crisis. Once the crisis is averted or overcome, we are once again diverted from spiritual practice.

Rewards of the Spirit are without glamour. They’re unseen and only experienced by the practitioner. The ultimate reward is that of growing awareness of spiritual consciousness; an understanding that we already possess the greatest gift of all; that of being a spiritual being given the opportunity of this human experience. pp🙏

Her hands were smaller than I imagined any hands could ever be.  Her feet rosy red, with toes much smaller than corn kernels.   And her face.  Oh my god.  We all thought she would look like Eric, due to the 3D pictures we saw, but no.  Her eyes, open, alive, and shining as bright as possible, are the eyes of her beautiful mother Kathryn.  Her blessings, even as a newborn, are endless.  She was born into so much love flowing from so many people.

Fully formed, and perfect in every way, my new granddaughter entered into the world and into my life.  I can honestly say that I am used to having grandchildren.  With the first two coming 8 and 10 years ago, I learned what an amazing blessing it was to be a grandfather.  Before Emma and Jake, it was only a concept.  The second they were born, a huge measure of love starting flowing from a place within myself that I didn’t even recognize.  Since they were born, I have wondered why I have such powerful feelings.  Those feelings were different than when my children were born.  Not greater, but just different.  Perhaps it was because of my past youth, my inexperience, my frenetic life, or maybe it’s just a reflection of grandparenthood. 

Well now, with the arrival of Madison, I once again get to reflect on how fortunate I am to have so many blessings in my life.  I look at this moving, breathing miracle, and I cannot believe that my miracle created 35 years ago, who found his most perfect partner, is now a father.  Our family continues to grow, and I am sure we are not finished. 

On this Father’s Day I once again feel immense gratitude for my whole family, and pray my children get to feel the joy I feel today and every day.

It was more than 20 years ago that we went on our first date.  I asked you if you wanted to go with me to see a play with Judith Licht about a cancer survivor.  It was a very depressing one woman play, and I have no idea why I chose that for our first date.  Perhaps, as we make most decisions today, we chose it together.  After the play we had dinner and it felt wonderful to be with you.  I hoped then, not knowing for sure what would be, that we would grow closer and closer.  But I had no idea, that on that evening, our very first date, I was receiving the greatest gift of my life.   I might not have realized it at the time, but spending my life with you was that gift. 

Our relationship grew very slowly.  We both had children who took precedence in our lives.  They were young, and of course they needed us.  We slowly spent time with our children together, slowly being the key word.  We lived in the same town, but at times weeks would go by where we didn’t see each other because we were both busy with our children.  Even though we both hoped that we would spend our future together,  we also knew that it was never just “the two of us” that we had to consider, but the seven of us.  Pat, you so easily and naturally treated my children as you did your own.  The gift that Caitlin and Gregory received the day they were born, was then bestowed upon my three sons, ages 8, 12 and 20.  Again, whether at the time they  realized it, you were that gift. 

It’s today.  We had no idea what our large family of seven would look like 24 years later.  We are now 12 (almost 13) and growing.  Pat, you have created a home for our adult children and their children, today and for the future.  A warm, central place to gather, to feel loved, and you, always there to support who ever needs it for that moment. You set the bar very high for the next generation.    As you were a surrogate parent to my children, and an amazing parent to yours, you are now the quintessential grandmother to our grandchildren. 

Now of course I am the dad.  I love my role in our growing family, but you Pat, are the center of so much good in all our lives.  You are the one who makes everything work.  From our Sunday family dinners, to our memorable celebrations which are usually at home, you are the one that makes it happen. 

I always tell anyone who would listen that I have everything I ever hoped for.  I have you to thank for that.   You are the reason for my happiness.  I always tell you that for any occasion that comes up you shouldn’t give me a gift.  It’s because you’re the only gift I want or will ever need. 

With immeasurable gratitude, I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate you. 

I love you so much.    ALAN