My place and where I stood in the life of Caitlin and Gregory has always been confusing to me, ever since Pat and I first started dating.   So many times, I felt like an interloper in the house.  Of course, my love for Pat, and her for me was very real.  Once we got to know each other there was never a doubt that our futures would be missing so much if we didn’t end up together.  I remember one time I was at the house, when it was seriously decorated for Christmas, and I was looking at their Christmas tree.  Steve and Pat were already separated for quite a while, but I looked at all the ornaments hanging there.  Being Jewish, I never really looked at anyone’s Xmas tree, and personally I never had an ornament.  Their tree and its ornaments represented so many personal memories, year after year, so much warmth, and reflection of family.  Their whole family was represented on that tree.  I realized that it was not just Pat and I, but a whole family I wanted to become part of.  I got very emotional looking at that tree and started to cry, mostly for Steve.  I think at that time of my life I was emotionally shallow, and while I knew that Pat and Steve were no longer together, what they were breaking up was way more than what was apparent to me.  It was the first time, but far from the last that I saw what was happening to the family from Steve’s eyes.  So many years later, after a few years of all living together Pat and I got married.  By this time, we were a family- a beautiful blended family, with positive feelings that bonded us all.  All five children referred to each other as brothers and sisters.  It was my and Pat’s blessing that we got to this place at all.  But one thing never left my mind.  My respect for Steve and his place in their lives and in this family.  When I first moved in to the house with Pat and the kids I slipped into an emotional funk.  I felt there was no place for me with Caitlin and Greg.  Pat was the all-encompassing mother, so involved in their lives, and Steve was the dad that was always supportive of his children.  He was there every day for them.  I felt I had no place, and didn’t know how to give love to my step children without stepping on their dad’s toes.  We have been married now for almost 20 years. Through the years I and we, all found our comfort level, and went on, in each other’s lives, comfortably, and reflecting love at every turn. 

Then Gregory, my step son got engaged.  His wedding was the topic of all conversation, and it occurred to me, what will be my place in this very important family affair?   I knew that whatever it was going to be, I would have to be fine with it.  Steve deserved all the attention the father of a groom is entitled to.  I always knew step dad ran a distant second.  Then came last Thanksgiving when Greg and Melissa did what was to be the beginning of inclusion for our entire family.  First, they went into a room and came back with a gift for my son, Michael, asking him to be in the bridal party as a groomsman.  Then left the room and gave Caitlin a gift asking her to be a bridesmaid.  Then they left, and returned with gifts for my older grandchildren, Emma and Jake, asking them to be junior groomsman and bridesmaid.  They left the room again and gave a gift to my youngest grandchildren, Madison and Madden, asking them to be ring bearer and flower girl.  The inclusive nature of all this was amazing.  I was just so thrilled that everyone in our extended family was going to participate in their wedding.  I felt there was no special place left for me, and I was fine with it, finding solace in the fact that I was the elder statesman of such a positive minded blended family.  But they left the room again and returned with a wine bottle with a label on it saying, “Would you be our officiant?”, and handed it to ME.  I was stunned.  At first, I didn’t know what they meant.  How could they want me to officiate their wedding?  But they looked at me for a response, and I realized they were asking me to participate, actually lead their ceremony.  I was so overtaken by emotion that in front of the whole family I started to cry.   Right then at that moment I reset my entire view of who I was to my step children.  It’s always been my insecurity that made me see it any other way than the way it was that Thanksgiving.  I was loved, and respected. 

To end this, I just want to say that I worked so hard on finding the right words for their ceremony.  By the time I was finished writing it I was so comfortable with what I had written that I was not the slightest bit nervous, but genuinely excited to be the officiant.  I know that that evening was probably the best night of Greg and Melissa’s life.  It sure looked that way.  It was also one of the best nights of mine.

Can’t wait for the video!